Frustrated Runner

A couple of weeks ago, I received a blow to my training. On my anniversary weekend, I came down with another kidney stone. The second in a year. After 4 days of pain, nausea, and sleeping, I became frustrated. I had lost 4 valuable days of training; training in the last two weeks before Cowtown. As I progressed getting healthier, I still found myself unable to eat well and constantly drained. slowly, but surely, I'm getting better.

Yesterday, I decided to officially not race this Sunday. I do not feel that it would be healthy for me to race considering I just barely now feel strong enough to go for a walk. I almost thought I could still race, but I realized it was the proud competitor in me. I'm completely frustrated and angry. I've been training since November, have already had to cut this race from a full to a half, and now I'm not even healthy enough to run it.

I know life happens. I know I'll be fine enough in no time to race again. I've actually got my next attempt at a half scheduled. I wanted this though. I've been wanting to run Cowtown for a while...a long while. I've been drooling over the bling and the course for months. I'm also angry because this makes me second guess myself. It makes me wonder if I'm really meant to do the longer distances. It makes me over-analyze everything I've done up to this point.

I'm working really hard at keeping the positive attitude up.

• Jamming to the new music I put on my playlist just for this race. 
• Signing up for the next attempt: Dallas RNR
• Looking for new race gear
• Possibly getting to wear my new Team Tough Chik gear for RNR.
• Telling myself this is temporary, this is temporary, this is temporary...

So, here's looking forward, right? What do you do to keep your attitude positive?

Blogger Apology

I hearby present an apology to you, my readers. My posting of late has been fairly nonexistent, and I feel horribly for it. Lately, my scheduled free time has been next to nothing, and when I get that free time, I’m training for the Cowtown Half. Here’s the crazy deal:

T, my oldest son, started training for the LoneStar OpenTournament in late January. He is currently a 3^rd degree purple belt with Red Tiger Karate. We’ve been trying to get him to do this tournament for a couple of years now, but since he decided he wanted to be on Team Red Tiger, he has no choice but to do the tournament. Therefore, his one formal practice a week has now been bumped up to three. The other days are used to keep him sharp and conditioned at home. Couple all this extra activity with his school projects, band, and typical 11-year-old-I don’t-wannas, I’ve gotten into “Mommy Mode” 24/7.

On top of that craziness, I'm trying to get the Cy-guy into soccer as well as some art classes. This guy loves kicking the ball as much as I do and he loves art. He really loves to be called an "artist".

Also, as most of you know, I am also an Independent Fitness Coach for Beachbody. In December, I decided to work hard to make Beachbody my full-time job so I can leave my desk job to ... 1. be home and more available to my boys and 2. begin pursuing group fitness instructor and personal trainer certifications.

So, please forgive my very sparse posting. I often start posts and often do not see them again until everything is irrelevant. I, as most of us parents, am working hard to find the right balance. I believe it is a struggle that all of us strive for constantly. Please stay posted though! The Cowtown Half is coming up as well as a couple of 5Ks, and a possible volunteer opportunity with my running! I will have plenty of reports for you, my dear faithful!!!

Thank you,

Geez, this week has been hectic. I've been writing this post for 2 days now. I wanted to share with you my awesome 6.5 mile run on Sunday.

It was cold on Sunday morning, so my running buddy and I bundled up and headed out. Last week we discovered a trail that goes on the back part of the park we usually meet at every Sunday. This trail was awesome! Clearly marked by our lovely town's parks and rec department, and we never even knew it was there. Our first mile was spent in awe, learning new turns and enjoying the new scenery. At the end of the trail, we continued on our usual route out of the park. We chatted as always about everything. Our life, our upcoming and past races, what happened during the past week. I told her how I started concentrating on my strike to see if it helped my knee during my runs. She told me about working on her dissertation for her doctorate's degree. (Wow! I'm so proud of her for getting her advanced degree). We chatted, and we ran.

At each intersection, we decided how much farther and where we were going to run. She wasn't feeling her best, so I wanted to make sure she had a good run. She told me she wanted to keep going. We kept on running and running picking a new route about every block. It was great. We hit our turnaround point and we were feeling the humidity. We had already shed our gloves, and I had shed my headband. I finally had to shed my warm layer. I couldn't believe it. It's January, at about 45 degrees, and I'm running in a tank and my running tights! It was chilly but great. We did a basic out and back, following the route we took out to our turnaround point.

When we hit the trail portion, she suggested I go ahead and pick my pace since I was feeling really good and pain free. At first I was going to, but then we crossed the paths of unexpected walkers. I thought of SUAR's cousin, Sherry Arnold, who's disappearance has rocked the running community. I felt it best that we run together for our safety, despite it being early in the sun-filled morning. Once we got closer to the end of our run and the more populated park, I decided to sprint the last 0.10 of the run. I felt awesome with only a couple of knee twinges. I haven't ran like that since my last soccer game in November. Woohoo...I felt like I was flying!

I know I pushed my running buddy on the last of the trail because I picked up my pace, and she kept right up with me. We're both in training for our respective half marys next month, so we needed to work hard. Next week we're attempting a new 9 mile route!

I rode this runner high until yesterday afternoon! I really don't know what exactly contributed to a great run. 8 hours of sleep, my new ovo-vegetarian diet, my cross training with P90X2, making sure I got my weekday runs in, or even remembering to wear my knee brace. It could have been everything combined, but I don't care! I love that awesome feeling after an awesome run. It totally makes all the bad and painful runs completely worth it!

Picture credit: www.agirlwithnonames.com

Plan 2012...Revised

2012 has already thrown me for a loop. My nice OCD tendencies had everything planned out for this month. A recap of 2011 blog, continue Cowtown training, pick up my cross training with some P90X2, and transition to an ovo-vegetarian diet. As Robert Burns said, "the best plans...often go astray".

Here's how 2012 started for me, I was terribly ill the first four days of January. I still have a half written blog to recap 2011. My Cowtown marathon training is now on hold due to working and treating knee issues. P90X2 is sporadic along with some P90X workouts. I can't decide which one I like better yet. I transitioned to an ovo-vegetarian diet pretty effortlessly, even though I still stress about how to cook my veggie meals while still giving my carnivores what they want. My so-called plans needed to change.

"Make big plans, but change your plans as time changes. " - Marchant.

Therefore, I have devised another "plan".

• Cowtown training: I will only set my goal for the half marathon. I will not register until the expo. I will continue to run to the best of my ability as long as I am pain-free. I stretch and strength train consistently. If I feel I cannot run a safe half marathon within the week of Cowtown, I will not run.
• Racing Plan: If I run the half at Cowtown, I will run the Oklahoma City Memorial Marathon at the end of April. Also, I'll be running the Running Moms 5K again this year in early April.
• Cross Training Plan: I'm still interchanging P90X2 and P90X workouts. Since I am still in the Base phase of P90X2 I am missing the heavy lifting, so I still throw in some upper body workouts to get my iron on. I am not doing any plyometrics right now as most moves cause strain on my knee, even modified. I try to throw in some biking and swimming when I can, but it is not very often.
• Eating Plan: Except for the juggling of trying to cook two separate meals, even if one is modified, the meatless option has been a fun experience for me. Trying new things. Learning new ways to cook. Learning how to add or detract foods to keep up my fuel needs. The only think I've missed so far is bacon. I may have to try tofurkey bacon or facon bacon eventually, but it's not that big of a loss yet.
• Mental Health Plan: Stay active and eating healthy, no matter what. Take care of myself. Stay focused on how I want my life to be day-to-day, year-to-year.

The mental health plan is a new addition. Since between Christmas and New Year's, I have been fighting off a bout of depression. I fight everyday with it, but the last couple of weeks have been the most difficult for me. I even thought about returning to counseling and asking for a prescription. That internal debate brought on a load of stress since I began running to keep depression at bay. I think most of the depression I've been fighting is just a sense of loss coupled with the frustration of my knee injury. I made some huge personal changes this year; let go of many people and relationships, toxic or just not aligning with my WHY. I never allowed myself to grieve over any of the loss either. My heart aches, and I still feel an empty hole sometimes where constant, and usually useless, chatter used to fill up unnecessarily. Yet, slowly I am learning to fill that hole with gratitude for the people that love, support, and uplift me. I fill that hole with actions to meet my goals and fulfill my desires. Step by step, run by run, word by word, I get even closer to the person I set out to be over a year ago.

With my "plans" in place, I feel confident enough to throw out a lasso and take 2012 by the horns! Here I come!

Picture credit: http://mychinaconnection.com

I Want It Bad.

You know those people that say they want something and stop at nothing to get it? Yea, I'm one of those people. At least right now, I am.

I woke up this morning, and over a cup of coffee, reviewed my calendar for today. Mentally going over 'to-do's', whens and also deciding the best time to get my run in today. I glanced to Sunday, Christmas, to see my scheduled mileage for my long run, and it hit. Nine weeks. Nine weeks until the Cowtown Marathon. Nine weeks of training have already passed. Even as I type this, I get a chill down my spine and goosebumps on my arms...and that taste in my mouth.

I started getting that taste as I finished my long run two weeks ago when I hit the Big 10. I got it again this past weekend. 12.93 miles, knees aching and could barely walk, I had that taste. The taste of accomplishment. The taste of desire for your hard work to pay off. The taste of crossing that finish line. The taste of that damn medal in your hand.  Heck, I will probably kiss, lick and try to take a bite of that damn medal. The Cowtown Medal is one of the most awesome race bling pieces I have drooled over as well.

I think about this race every waking moment. Every piece of clothing or shoes I wear, step I take or anything I put in my mouth is hyper-analyzed on how this will affect my training for Cowtown. I eat, sleep, breathe marathon training right now. I set a goal to run my first marathon before I turned 35. I'm 33, with 35 nowhere in sight, but the timing is perfect and the desire is high. I want this goal accomplished. I want this goal even more than I wanted to graduate college. Every atom of my being wants this.

Here's to setting my goal. Here's to getting halfway to my goal. Here's to nine more weeks of pushing toward my goal. Here's to wanting it bad!

The Big 10 Tribute

Last week, I looked over my training schedule and realized I hit the double digits this week. I spent 3 days stressing about the mileage and the weather. I looked up weather reports, probably 10 times a day. I researched when and if to take Gu or as I took, a Hammer gel. I made sure I had all my wet and winter gear ready to go along with charging my mp3 player for two full days. I mapped out my full route after deciding where I'm meeting up with my running buddy and how far she wanted to run. After all that prepping, it hit me...it's the anniversary of J.J.'s death. If you don't know about this anniversary, please feel free to read my post, "Remembering Why". Instead of getting sad, which will happen whether I like it or not, I remembered last year's tribute run, and decided to make the big ten miler this year's tribute to J.J.

Sunday morning, I could not sleep past 6 a.m. I think I finally fell asleep around midnight or 12:30 a.m. the night before. Not sure if it's nerves or excitement, but this has been the pattern lately before my long runs. The weather was definitely Texas' introduction to winter. Cold, windy, rainy, and in the low 40s. I layered up, got all prepped, and at 7:15 drove to my planned start place. My planned route had me starting at the north branch of our library, and taking a little bit more than half of my "running buddy" route. It was about 2.5 miles, and honestly, it wasn't that bad as long as the rain didn't blow directly into the side of my face. Right after the first mile or mile and a half, I misjudged a puddle, and got my feet soaked up to my ankles. I almost ran back to my car for dry socks, but decided against it since I knew I was running in 8.5 more miles in the rain.

I met my running buddy at her house. Actually I stopped at the sidewalk to stretch my legs because they were feeling tight and out she comes through her garage door. After we laughed and decided we were certifiably insane, we took off for 5 miles. Yes, it was cold, and yes, we laughed and chatted like it was a sunny 60° day, and our pace was faster than normal. We were also in awe of the man who passed us on the same loop. She even had to remind me to take my Gu. I didn't feel like I needed it, but later, I was glad I did. Once we got back to her house, we were pumped and feeling all sorts of hard core badassery.

After we chatted for a couple of seconds, and I promised to call when I made it home, I headed back to my car. I did just fine and even got some weird looks. I had to stop once to judge where in the world I was going to dodge that big puddle again. The streets were getting a little busier than earlier, and I didn't feel comfortable running on the street in that place. I ran in the grass and the puddles still came up to my ankles, but I was already soaked to the bone, and only a mile at most away from finishing the run.

I trudged, not ran, the remaining of the route. I became chilled to the core. I debated thoughts of walking, but I knew I could not. This physical challenge was a representation of my mental challenge. I topped a little hill and saw my car. Elation came flowing through my mind, and I pushed...hard. The rest was literally downhill. I sprinted to the end point and smiled through sweat, rain, and even a few tears that I made the Big 10. This Big 10 in particular.

Lackluster Running Week

Last Sunday, I ran 8.76 miles in blustery, 30-something, but sunny weather. Even though I was actually pretty scared to run it, I did it, and only the last 1.5 miles hurt. Not the "man, my muscles are tired" kind of hurt, but the "oh dear lord, just let me make it a few more steps" kind of hurt. The pain went away when my legs stopped quivering about an hour after I walked through my door. The run was great despite the cold wind, and P did a great job of making my Shakeology for recovery, drawing a bath, and even making sure I ate a good breakfast and had hot coffee. I ended up spending the rest of the day in my pjs and loving every minute.

Monday, I knew I’d be a little sore. My upper quads and hammies reciprocated with making me cringe every time I tried to sit down, stand up, and walk. P, T, and the Cy-Guy giggled at me the sight of me struggling to make it to the kitchen, the bathroom, and heck, even the couch. I still got in a great upper body workout too with P90X.

Tuesday. No desire to run, and didn’t. I didn't even attempt Plyos, which I love.

Wednesday: P practically forced me outdoors for a run.

Thursday: Met my walking group and walked a brisk 2.5 miles with them, and went home afterward instead of my planned 3 miler.

Yesterday: Yay, it’s a strength day, so that meant I’m building up my legs and back with P90X, and still no desire to go out for even a short run.

Today is a rest day from running, which in my world, it means it’s a yoga day along with some Kenpo X. All I hope for is that my mind clears, and I get the running urge in the morning. The calendar shows a 10 miler, December 4 is a tough day anyway, and the weather looks like this:

Yea...here goes nothing.