How 9/11 Affects Me

I thought about writing a post about 9/11 yesterday, but I could not. Yet, I thought perhaps I should because 9/11 affected every single one of us. Some more than me, some not so much. I will not say where I was and what I was doing. That's not what I want to write about. I will write why 9/11 is such a personal and conflicted day for me.

First off, 9/11 was always a somber day of remembrance, yet 5 years ago,

I gave birth to my youngest son, the Cy-Guy. 9/11 became a day to celebrate life. The life anew that continues on; the life that proves we are all still humans and full of perseverance. The Cy-Guy's birthday always makes me shift perspectives on a day where I could be quiet and sad. Now, I smile on 9/11 and realize that I am a better person because of everything, and yet while we remember, we push on, we live.

Secondly, 9/11 took an entirely different meaning on December 4, 2008.

My stepbrother, John Jared Savage was killed in Iraq defending our freedoms, MY freedoms that we love and hold dear. He was killed by an IED or plainly put, when a suicide bomber in an SUV broadsided his armored vehicle in Mosul. Yet, he was doing what he loved when he died...serving his country. 9/11 now takes a very personal remembrance for me. I try to not feel anger or sadness, which is extremely difficult, especially on 9/11. I try to live my life doing what I love...helping others, embracing my love of sports and running, caring for my family.

Yesterday, I watched the three hours worth of ceremonies on T.V., and even though sad, I played with my now five-year-old son, played my scheduled soccer game, and before the day's end, I hugged and held my family close. I lived my day, the 10th anniversary of 9/11, the day that changed us all forever, the way my brother died...doing what we love.